Shopping
by EmilyEphebiphobia
Summary: Sasuke takes a trip to the store. "Look! Teme! I'm Sakura-chan!" He gestures to the large round melons stuffed up his shirt. CRACK. NaruSasu Friendship  If you count beating up Naruto  Minor SasuSaku.


**In which Sakura is at work and sends Sasuke to get eight things from the store... and he drags Naruto along. OH SHIT. **

Eighteen year old Sasuke turns over in his sleep, the dark sheets clencing his waist, as he lays on his side. He goes to grab for Sakura, and pull her against him, but his hands meet air.

He frowns. Cracking one eye open, he looks around the bedroom, not seeing Sakura.

He gets up, pulling on his tomato boxers,

_(Because only badass guys wear boxers with little designs on them)_

and walks out into the hallway of the Uchiha household, one hand going through his hair.

He hears rummaging around in the kitchen. He walks into the bright hallway, glancing at a wall clock in the process.

_9:50 am._

He groans, walking into the kitchen. He sees Sakura in his white button up t-shirt, on her tiptoes, throwing things out of the cabinet. He frowns.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" She jumps, and turns around to him, a pout on her lips.

"Sasuke-kun, we have nothing in this house! Nothing! No food, no shampoo, no chocolate, _nothing_!" She frowns, crossing her arms. Sasuke picks up a bag of flour Sakura had tossed to the floor.

"Well go shopping then." He retorts.

**SMACK.**

He rubs his head, glaring at the little pinkette.

"What the hell was that for." He puts a jar of peanuts back in the cabinet.

"I told you last night, Tsunade-sama wants me to work in the hospital today."

"I wasn't paying attention to what you were mumbling last night, I was too busy listening to you screaming my na-" He smirks evily.

**SMACK. **

He glares, rubbing his head again.

"I have to leave at ten-" She looks at the clock, her eyes widening.

"HOLY SHIT! I'm going to be late!" She runs up the stairs, leaving Sasuke in the messy kitchen. He sighs, and starts to clean up the strewn items.

A few minutes later, Sakura runs loudly down the stairs, one hand buttoning up her uniform, the other grabing her jacket, and bag. She runs to kiss Sasuke.

"Right, so we need some things: Chocolate, tomatoes, shampoo, eggs, tampons, beef, asprin, oh and we er .. ran out of condoms." She blushes at the last one, shrugging on her jacket, and shoes.

"See you later! I love you." She slams the door behind her. Sasuke sighs. He finishes cleaning up the kitchen, and decides to go shower. When he finishes, he changes into his jeans and a white top, and decides to call his best friend.

**Ring**

**Ring**

_"HELLO?" _

"Dobe." Sasuke clutches the phone, his ear ringing from Naruto's loudness.

_"OH HAI, TEME."_

"Sakura needs me to go shopping."

_"OH I WANNA COME! I DO THIS ALL THE TIME WITH HINATA-CHAN! AND THEN WHEN I HELP HER SHE GIVES ME A REWARD! I GET-" _

"Be at my house in Five minutes." Sasuke hangs up, and mentally goes over the objects Sakura wanted him to get.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**1. Chocolate**

Sasuke enters the store, and Naruto skips in after him. Naruto points to the baskets.

"Teme, go get a basket. Unless you want to push a cart.."

"Hell no, dobe, you get it." Naruto pouts and grabs a basket, skipping into the aisles.

"What do you need first teme?" Sasuke shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Chocolate." Naruto runs down the third aisle, the candy aisle. He picks up random boxes.

"What kinds?" He picks up a bag of Hersheys.

"TEME LOOK! ITS HERSHEY KISSES! Maybe if you give her enough, you'll get something in return.." He wriggles his eyebrows.

**PUNCH.**

"Dobe." He watches Naruto get up off of the floor, and put the bag of Hershey kisses back on the shelf. He picks up another box.

"Ferrero Rocher? Sounds fancy smancy. Why do you need chocolate anyway teme, are you having cravings?" Naruto laughs.

He hears Sasuke growl, and take a box of Dove chocolates, throwing them in the basket. He drags Naruto down the next aisle.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**2. Tomatoes**

Naruto and Sasuke approach the vegetable and fruit counter. Sasuke practicly runs to the tomatoes, and picks one up, holding it to his cheek. He turns to the side to see a whole line of different tomatoes.

His eyes widen in wonder. He walks down the whole row, attempting to decide which type to pick.

He reaches the end, and picks up a box of cherry tomatoes. He stares at the small round vegetables,

_(Holy shit, no their fruits, he thinks. His dear Tomato-sama's are fruits.)_

and puts them back on the counter, glaring at them.

"You disgust me." He spits at the small tomatoes.

He finds a brand of tomatoes he likes, and counts ten out, placing them in a plastic bag. He holds them to his chest, like a toddler, and looks for Naruto.

"HEY TEME LOOK!" He turns around to Naruto's voice and his eyes turn into slits. He glares at the boy.

"Naruto..."

"Look! Teme! I'm Sakura-chan!" He gestures to the large round melons stuffed up his shirt.

"YOU ASSHOLE" Sasuke roars, before dropping his tomatoes and beating the shit out of Naruto.

When Sasuke is done, he sighs, and goes to grab ten more tomatoes.

_(That aren't squished and covered with Naruto's blood.) _

He grabs the basket, glaring at it, and walks to the next aisle.

A random bystander comes up to Naruto, poking him with a stick.

_"Is it dead?"_, the bystander wonders.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**3. Shampoo**

Sasuke walks down the hair products aisle only to see Neji there. Naruto wheels down the aisle in a wheelchair, bandages around his body.

"NEJI!" He grins at the brown haired man, who turns around, and glares at him.

"Naruto. Uchiha."

"Hn."

"Hn."

"Damn you two are gay." Neji glares at him and goes back to looking at his hair products. Naruto grins, as Sasuke picks up a Herbal Essences bottle, reading the label.

"So, Neji, is your hair Thin, Thick, Dry, or Flaky?"

"Well its a bit on the dry side, so I thught I'd try the Pantene..." Naruto starts laughing.

Sasuke cuts off his dying horse wheezing by kicking his leg.

"Dobe. Shut up." He places a bottle of pink shampoo in the basket, and putting it on Naruto's lap. He shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Hn."

"So teme, what does Sakura-chan's hair feel like?" He pokes Sasuke, who growls.

"Woah someone's been doing the Herbal..." Neji mutters. They glare at Neji who smiles sheepishly and grabs his mousse, running off.

"Teme! You should get some black hair dye and root touch up, I think I see a grey hair right by your ear-"

**SMACK.**

"Dobe." Sasuke grits his teeth, walking down the next aisle.

"TEMMMMMEEEEEEEE."

.

.

.

.

.

**4. Eggs**

Naruto wheels himself down the dairy aisle. He picks up a milk carton, glancing at the back.

"Damn, teme, this has more calories in it than Hinata's and Sakura's combined-"

**PUNCH.**

"Shut it."

Naruto yells out, clutching his eye. He rubs it and stares at the milk carton again.

Naruto leans forward attempting to reach the shelf to put the milk back. He reaches out, and falls out of his wheelchair.

"Uh ... Sasuke can you-"

"No." Sasuke walks over to the eggs, picking up a carton of 12.

Naruto manages to get up, and stumbles onto his wheelchair.

"Teme?" He glances at the eggs.

"What, dobe?" He puts the eggs into the cart, putting it back on Naruto's lap.

"Do you think a woman's eggs look like this? What about sperm? Does it look like little fish?"

"Your gross Naruto." He glares at him, gritting his teeth.

Sasuke shoves his hands in his pockets again, walking down to the next aisles. Naruto wheels his chair to catch up.

.

.

.

.

**5. Tampons**

Sasuke couldn't help but blush slightly as he walked down the -ahem- feminine products aisle. He looks at all the different boxes and packs. Naruto appears behind him, grabbing a box off the shelf.

Sasuke's hand twitches, as he decides whether to grab a box.

He hears a box fall to the floor, and Naruto gripping his hands like he was just holding a snake. His pupils dialiated.

"Sa-Sasuke! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO WITH THOSE!" He pokes the box with his foot.

"Dobe." Sasuke sighs.

"T-They stick them ... _up there_!" Naruto screams like a girl.

"Hn?" He looks at the scared boy.

"Where _we_ go, teme!" Sasuke pales.

His hand shakes as he picks up a random box from the shelf like it is a deadly animal.

Using two fingers he drops it in the basket, sighing with relief that its over.

Naruto gets an idea and smirks.

"Teme?"

"What?"

"I think you need a tampon, yourself. You look like your about to puke, and you have mood swings. Is it your time of the month?"

**PUNCH.**

**KICK.**

**SMACK. **

"Fuck you, Dobe."

Sasuke walks away. Naruto attempts to get back into his wheelchair, putting the basket on his lap again.

"WAIT TEMMEE."

.

.

.

**6. Beef**

Sasuke uses his chakra to kick Naruto in his wheelchair down the meet aisle.

"Teme, what kinda meat does Sakura-chan need?" He looks at the wrapped meats.

"Beef."

Naruto rolls over to the meat section, picking up a pack of thick cylinder shaped pieces of meat.

Naruto gets an idea.

"Oi, Sasuke-teme." Sasuke sighs, looking up.

"What, dead last?" He ignores Naruto's curses.

"Well, teme, it seems Sakura is unhappy with you." Sasuke glares at Naruto.

"What are you talking about." He mutters, picking up a package of beef, checking the price.

"Well, its obvious she's sending you to get meat, that you don't have to satisfy her needs and pleasures. Because your meat isn't enough."

**SNICKER. **

Sasuke drops the meat and death glares at the blond.

"Naruto." The blond looks at him, his eyes wide.

"Yeah?" He reaches for the meat Sasuke dropped putting it in the basket on the floor.

..

..

..

..

"You have two seconds to run for your life, before CASTRATE you, take your ass and send it flying into the Pacific Ocean."

Naruto freezes.

"Oh SHIT. TEME I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN IT! OH GOD! NOT THE AK-47! TEMMEEEEEEEEEEE"

..

..

Sasuke notes when he's done with killing Naruto, he has to go retreive the basket.

.

.

**7. Asprin**

A nurse now has to roll Naruto around on the stretcher in the shop because he's paralyzed from the waist down. And he still has to carry the basket.

_(FML.)_

Sasuke looks at the asprin's, taking two into his hands. Bayer vs. Tylenol.

He reads the back carefully and Naruto instructs his nurse to wheel him up to the shelves. He grins.

Picking up a small blue box he turns his head to Sasuke.

"TEME." Sasuke looks at the blond.

"What?"

"You should give Sakura-chan some of these when she's on her period, she's a right bitc-"

**GLARE. **

"Uh bit of chocolate. Yeah heh heh nice and sweet."

**SWEATDROP.**

The nurse looks at Naruto.

Naruto looks at the nurse.

Then Naruto spies a box on the shelf, just as Sasuke is agreeing on getting Bayer, putting a box in the basket.

"Sasuke-teme." He snickers agian. Sasuke looks up, putting the basket on the floor.

"Hn?" Naruto laughs again.

"I found how you can fix your 'meat' problem." He hands Sasuke the Viagra.

".."

..

..

..

The nurse screams.

"UCHIHA-SAMA STOP CHOKING NARUTO-SAMA WITH HIS MEDICINE WIRE! HE'S TURNING PURPLE!"

.

**8. Condoms**

Sasuke picks up the basket, walking to the next aisle. He stares in wonder at all the different condoms. He sees Kakashi standing by the shelves, holding six different boxes in his hands.

He sees the young Uchiha approach him, and he smiles happily skipping over to him.

"Well well well if it isn't Sasuke Uchiha. I thought you were off the condoms to rebuild your clan?" His eyes sparkle.

"Hn."

Kakashi looks at the box Sasuke's is holding.

"Ooh, cherry and pinapple. My personaly favorite is chocolate mint but you know thats up to- SHIT." He drops a box by accident, leaning to pick it up.

Naruto is rolled up by the nurse. She pulls his life support machine along with her in her other hand. She sighs.

"Hey, Sasuke-teme! Look they have ramen flavored!" Somehow Sasuke notes, he can still talk.

_(Unfortunately) _

"Gross, Naruto." Kakashi gags, and turns towards the cashiers.

"I'll see you guys later. Anko's waiting for me." His eyebrows wriggle. He walks off.

"So Sasuke-teme. Cherry or Spearmint?"

**SMACK. **

"Just keep your mouth shut Naruto."

**MUMBLES.**

"I'm sorry would you like to repeat that, Dead Last?"

"Uh... NO. Nope not at all Heh."

"Hn."

The nurse throws up her hands in emphasis.

"I quit. You and your damn mood swings UCHIHA, and your retorts UZIMAKI. Good luck Killing each other." She stalks off.

Naruto pleads for her to come back but she flips him off.

"So.. are we done yet? I'm getting hungry, and I'm pretty sure Sakura-chan is home." Naruto looks at his stomach, which growls.

"OMGAWSH TEME LOOK NEON COLORED CONDOMS! It'll make you stick penis look GREEN!" Sasuke puts a box of cherry condoms in the basket and looks at Naruto.

"Hn." He walks off to pay, and get out of the damned store already. He hears Naruto yelling from his stretcher.

"SASUKE-TEME WAIT! I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS, AND NO ONES GONNA PUSH ME! PLEASE COME BACK, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BE QUIET. DID ANYONE HEAR THAT BEEP? OH GOD IT WAS MY OXYGEN TANK! IT SAYS I HAVE 1 MINUTE LEFT BEFORE IT RUNS OU- ASKSNDIWEFD!"

Sasuke smirks and exits the store.

"Hn."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun, I'm back from work. How was the shopping, wait you said you went with Naruto, where is he?"

**SMIRKS. **

"Hn."

**CRINKLE.**

**DROP.**

**BANG.**

"S-Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn?"

"... Why did you buy Viagra?"

..

**TWITCH. **

..

"NARUTOOOO!"

**xxx**

**Oh man, I thought this was my best yet. So yeah, Naruto is hanging on for life with his oxygen tank and Sasuke is pissed off. He needs some PMS pills. For serious. **

**Hope you enjoyed it! :]**


End file.
